barbenheimer & limerance | #4 | August 2, 2023

Humans crave community and connection, and yet there are only so many opportunities to foster them. I feel like the way the US is set up socially makes it impossible to find community without expending significant resources for it.

Special edition today! Here are some preliminary thoughts/word vomit on Barbenheimer :)

Barbenheimer: I watched Oppenheimer twice, and NGL Barbie is the perfect pairing with it. Oppenheimer deals with the macro of human experience and what it means for humanity to experience this nuclear technology. Barbie deals with the micro, the day to day implications of interactions in society. 

Oppenheimer is a cinematic masterpiece, but of course because it is a Nolan film, it is not a film about the atomic bomb. It is a film about the moral dilemmas faced by Oppenheimer and only Oppenheimer. It is a powerful film about a man leading the Manhattan project, but not about the entire team or any of the surrounding history. After watching it twice, I have made my peace with it, but the first time I watched it I was blown away by the storytelling and the lingering ethical ponderings.

I do, however, wish it dealt with Oppenheimer's surroundings with a bit more nuance. Maybe I'm asking for too much, and maybe I am pushing the diversity card too much, but the idea that all supporting characters had to be so underdeveloped was unfortunate (i.e. Feynman's only defining trait being his bongos, one token woman chemist, Strauss being a vengeful villain)(Einstein being the funny old man was hilarious, though). The sour taste in my mouth is from how reductive the story felt since it staunchly stuck to only dealing with Oppenheimer's POV and almost none of the rest of the complex WW2 story. But I guess that's what should be expected of a film titled Oppenheimer (the script was also written in first person lol, so I think this was intentional on Nolan's part). Make no mistake, this film has led me through a period of hyperfixation on the Manhattan project and Oppenheimer's story, but after learning more about the story as a whole, I desperately want a film about the Atomic Bomb *not* told from the sole perspective of one man. Overall, I can see this film winning awards, and it beautifully paints a chilling story of the nuclear world we live in today and the moral implications of such power, but it could have been so much more. It is beautifully shot and the visual storytelling is incredibly compelling. I really want a movie about Von Braun now. 

Barbie deals with feminine rage in the most blatant and direct writing. Instead of opting for subtlety, the way many feminist movies have approached the topic, it is the embodiment of the anger felt by those who realize how unjust our society is. Ken's betrayal is wonderfully done and the comedy slaps. I think it tugs and pulls at all of the gender disparities and is designed to enrage and polarize. It is very radical and I can see how this film can be extremely divisive. This isn't a film that is seeking public approval and attempting to convert the opposition, but rather it seeks to galvanize the portion of the public that is already discontent with the current state of society. The story is refreshing and super relevant, and it speaks directly to the collective experience of being a woman. Honestly I loved the nihilist stage of Barbie, because the apathy felt from the overwhelming responsibility of "doing your part" in this great cause and uphill battle is tiring. I really want to see it again (hopefully all dressed up). There were also some INSANE one liners ("The patriarchy still exists, we're just better at hiding it", "Men hate women, and women hate women, that is the only thing we can agree on", "The cognitive dissonance of being a woman")

The sharp constrast of an extremely male-dominated war biopic to a film that validated all of my frustrations as a woman in a male-dominated field was insane. The issue of diversity is something that is so widely addressed in the public, and it sometimes feels like institutions just stop at recognition of the issue, with no real steps to make change. I think I am projecting some of my frustrations with finding a community, but maybe that is what Barbie wanted to illicit. Barbie felt extremely validating after seeing the adrenaline-fueled work of the Manhattan project.

Please reach out and talk to me about both of these films :) I love hearing any and all perspectives.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming!

Research Update: I am finally up and running on my feet, and with that comes... infinite procrastination! I think I am in the slightly optimistic era of my research, but I proceed with caution. Motivation is super difficult, but I definitely need to rely on habit and discipline in order to continue onwards :/ As a side note, running 5 terminals of the same program significantly speeds up the process lmao. I think I may double it to 10 terminals of the same shit LOL.

Lifting Update: After a month and half of consistent training, I'm finally back on my feet :) It makes me realize how inconsistent I was before becaue I lowkey am hitting my old training maxes within 2-3 sessions of performing that lift. Finally overcame my fear of deadlifting and deadlift what was essentially my previous training max (175lbs for 3!). I might switch to nsuns soon if I plateau from normal 5x5(ish). I think I'm gonna start actually tracking my workouts in an app or something now that I've actually done each lift at least once or twice. That first day back is always the worst. 

Art Tabling Update: Still no bitches no motivation no money no life to draw...but I did make prints :) That gave me a high like no other. I love paper, I am paper, I want to be paper. 

I sit here watching the barista flirt with every customer. Oh to be making coffee and smiling at people for several hours a day :) The entire campus is littered with high schoolers and it is WILD to see so many people this young. It has been a hot second. 

SSRI Update: Prozac has made me a depressed little bitch. Writing this blog is the most alive I've felt all week after downing a coffee. Also going to the gym is nice. Literally anything but work. I will be lowering my dose tbh to feel a little more alive. 

Starbucks Update: I am hopelessly addicted to the brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso. I've gotten 10x in the past 3 months. And the Impossible breakfast sandwich. 

Eczema Update: Bro this dry ass california weather has got my eczema coming back stronger than ever, especially on my FINGERS. 

Note: I do not proofread 80% of this blog. Excuse any grammatical errors.

Complete side note, but sometimes when I'm writing I think of the SAT English questions that asked you where a sentence makes the most sense in a paragrah.