reflections on possibly doing a phd | #1 | June 26-2, 2023

Finally, a vessel for my overflowing notes app to pour into. Now I can stop burdening Google Keep with my random thoughts and attempt to stucture them for myself :) 

I think I will stick to the format of 3 main updates, and then random shit at the bottom! (Or completely and utterly throw away this update format and go on a whim)

Research Update: I have officially begun a terrifying journey into summer research. I do not have a defined research project and I feel like I'm going to have to really wing this one y'all LOL. I'm already thinking worst case how to present the very little work I have done and make it seem much more impressive than it actually is by making it seem like preliminary/background research... but maybe that is what is expected of me anyways? I have decided to work in a huge spurt on Saturday and Sunday in order to make up for the utter lack of work I have been doing these past two weeks. I really want to feel motivated and driven, but honestly I have not been compelled to feel like my research is high-impact in any way shape or form. :( The search continues. 

I have a newfound interest in GOING TO KOREA and living my consumerist and capitalist dreams. I think some really low-hanging fruit content would be doing multiple personal color tests in LA, Japan, Korea and comparing the experiences and results. 

Lifting Update: I've been doing a 3-day split!!!! I'm genuinely so excited for these beginner gains, and I still really want to compete in powerlifting one day. I also started taking creatine and I do not feel any different, but I am definitely noticing my beginner gains come in. But I just want to be big. I also discovered the world of powerlifting programs and I'm very excited for the day I get to do that. 

I think on the train of habit creation, my first habit this summer is going to be going to the gym each day (which is honestly the only thing I look forward to). The next one will honestly be working a regular 10-6pm or some odd hours like that. I don't think relying on bursts of productivity is a sustainable way to make a PhD happen. 

Art Tabling Update: I have settled on trying to table at the SJmade Fall Festival in early October. I am still unsure if I should combine socials with my friend who I will be tabling with, or if I should just keep it seperate and have a shared shop front :)? I have an overflowing to-draw list and I think this is the next habit I shall attempt to form (to draw on my off-days of lifting). 

Grab bag updates PEWPEWPEW- 

Crochet Update: I have finally overcome my fear of treble crochets and began the sleeves of this green cardigan. It really irks me when crochet patterns use imprecise language and stating the same thing in different wording. Syntax :/ Overall, very excited to keep making more clothes for myself, although I think art will have to take over soon. Great Netflix-watching activity though. 

SSRI Update: I switched to Prozac from Lexapro. Lexapro made me super sleepy so we decided to try Prozac. Well, today is day 1 of Prozac and I'm writing this blog I've put off for 2 weeks so maybe this is a good sign... I feel generally more anxious though, but definitely...different. (mania ensues)

Reading Update: Working though Tomorrow Tomorrow Tomorrow still. Both Sam and Sadie are poopoo heads often, but I like the depth of the characters and high-level storytelling style (almost like a biography). Reading has slowed down in favor of other things, but I think I should still read to maintain and work on my attention span. 

Food Update: I tried non-smuckers jam today on my cottage cheese toast and it tasted so bad i threw the entire thing away. It was free from a friend anyways. I think I like Jasmine Rice more than Kohuko Rose :(

Shows Update: I watched Quantumania and it was very mid like everyone said it was. So disappointed bc the premise is so cool. Started Demon Slayer recent season and still struggling to find a Netflix show to watch. Very excited for The Summer I Turned Pretty s2 though :)

Cat Update:  I gave Stanley a new plate so less whisker fatigue. He shows no preference change but I recently discovered (this morning) that he LIKES DRINKING FROM THE TOILET WHAT THE FUCK STANLEY????

???? Update: We had a successful mimosa wednesday with good turnout. Dino nuggies on top. I bought the pack of Jackbox 1-5 on G2A so it was hella cheap, and it has been a fan favorite activity so far. Going out to Monroe in SF now and will be going to see some stars/sunset soon hehehee (i need to do work). Also I haven't heard back from my ceramics class to see if I got in, so I am not optimistic :(. I also washed my shoes finally and they are not as clean as I hoped they would be. I also need to make an IG post but I'm too lazy.

This is what goes through my head 90% of the time I sit in my room alone. Maybe this is why I'm so tired all the time. I want to make more tiktoks.